my Soul and my Spirit

They're in a state of mind unexplained
In a trance without a purpose
I look around and see their souls
I search deeper and find their spirits
With smiles on their faces
Joy in their hearts
They dance the night away

I look at myself; my soul, my spirit
I know who i am and where i should be
I search my present life
And find I'm surrounded
By holier than thou hypocricy
I don't want them in my life
I don't want them in my soul

Jack

I met Jack at the bar that first night of the cruise – we made eye contact the moment I entered. He was dressed down in skinny jeans and a black Ramones t-shirt. He came and talked to me. His eyes were a piercing blue and they lingered on my face…and my body.

I knew that I was probably getting myself into trouble and I was sure this guy was looking for a one-night stand only. But something about his soft lips, his messy hair and his strong body attracted me; and I just wanted to be careless for once.

I’m not the one-night-only type and I had always guarded my heart before, but I decided not this time. He invited me to his room – my heart was beating really fast and I couldn’t say no – then we got up and paid. 

On the way there I felt butterflies in my stomach and all I could think of was how sexy and funny he was. He seemed very sensible and collected – the total opposite of how crazy I felt at that moment. We reached his room and he let me in. It was a fancy room – definitely an upgrade from mine.

“Nice room.” I said looking around.

“Thanks.” He put his wallet and phone on the dresser and sat on the bed.

“I have to confess…I’m a little nervous.” I said, “I don’t normally do this kind of thing.”

He just smiled reassuringly and held out his hand, “Come sit here with me.”

I went and sat down.

“When I saw you walk into the bar, my heart skipped a beat because I just knew that you’re my soul mate.”

I giggled, “How do you know that at first sight?”

“I just knew.” He shrugged.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “That’s so corny.”

He chuckled. “What? You don’t believe in that?”

“Not at all.” I said, “We’re bound to hurt each other.”

He stared at me. “That’s such a sad way to live.”

“I know.” I looked down at my hands, “I’ve never been proven wrong though.”

He took my hands, “Well I’m here to prove you wrong.” He leaned forward and kissed me softly, “We can’t just spend the night.”

I frowned. “Why?”

He smiled, “Because that’s the wrong way to start a relationship.”

“Whoa dude…relationship? You’re moving way too fast. I just met you. How do I know you’re not a serial killer?”

He laughed. “You don’t.”

Something inside me was starting to freak out a little bit – what if this guy was a murderer and I was sitting in his room?

“I think I’m gonna go.” I got up slowly.

“You don’t really think I’m a killer, do you?”

“You’re scaring me. All this crazy talk all of a sudden about soul mates and love…sounds like...a trap.”

Suddenly he fell back on the bed laughing. I just stood there staring at him.

“This is going to be the best story to tell at our wedding one day.” he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Oh my word, you are so strange. I’m leaving.” Just as I reached the door handle, he grabbed me from behind and put his hand over my mouth.

“Don’t scream or I’ll stab you.” he whispered in my ear and I felt something sharp against my back. He slowly turned me round to face him. “Are you going to scream?”

I shook my head – eyes wide. He slowly took his hand off my mouth.

“What do you want from me?” I asked thinking what a cliché this was.

He chuckled, “Oh man this is so funny.” He looked up at the ceiling.

That’s when I decided I was going to take the chance. I’d rather risk getting stabbed than be part of a statistic. So I ran for the door and yanked it open. I started running as fast as I could to a public area, but he didn’t follow me.

After I reported what had happened, I went back to my own room to recover from the shock. I sat on my bed thinking how strange this all suddenly seemed. Why would a serial killer or rapist be on a cruise ship if he had no way to escape?

Suddenly everything in my room felt strange. I had been sure the colour of the carpet was blue and now it was green. The lights seemed dimmed, wasn’t it bright in here a second ago? What was going on?

Then my door handle jerked – someone was trying to get in. I grabbed the hairdryer and slowly crept towards the door. I put my hand on the handle and pushed down. The door clicked open and I didn’t even have a second to react when Jack was inside my room – pinning me to the bed. I tried to scream but no sound was escaping. Tears were streaming down my face and I started thinking about how this trip started out as an adventure and ended up as a nightmare. Then he put his lips on mine and kissed me.

Was I imagining what happened earlier? Why was he kissing me? Then as he pulled away, his face morphed and blurred. The ship started to sway and everything started falling. Suddenly we were rolling off the bed and as I fell, I felt a jerk and my eyes popped open. I was in my bed, alone, and everything was calm. It must’ve been a dream then…all of it. I sighed in relief and got up to take a shower.

The dream shook me more than I had anticipated. It felt so real – his smile, his eyes, his scent – everything was so authentic. It took a long while under the running water for me to forget about the dream and the emotions I experienced.

Later that afternoon I met my sister and her husband for lunch. I didn’t tell them about my bizarre dream; I figured I was probably sea-sick. The waiter brought my drink and as he moved out of the way my eye caught someone staring at me. There across the deck – sitting alone at a table – was Jack.

            At first my heart skipped a beat and then it started racing. My breathing was rapid and my palms sweaty. What was going on with me?

            “Caroline are you okay?” my sister asked.

            “Huh?” I looked at her.

            “You look flustered all of a sudden.”

            I shrugged and shook my head. “No I’m fine.” I peeked at the table where he sat. He lifted his drink in the air and smiled. How was this possible? Was it one of those prophetic moments where I dream about my soul mate before I meet him?

I took a sip of my drink and my sister started talking about…something. I dared another glance at Jack – but this time he wasn’t there. I looked around searching for him but saw nothing. I frowned. Something strange was going on – either on the ship or in my head.

            “Is there a problem?” my sister’s husband asked. “You’re not listening to a word your sister’s saying.”

I hesitated for second…should I tell them about this situation or should I just let it be? “No I think I’m just getting a bit sea-sick…dizzy and all that.” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh I have something that would help” my sister said and reached for her purse. She took two tablets and put them in my hand, “It’ll help with nausea and dizziness.”

“Thanks.” I smiled – I was pretty sure those pills wouldn’t help me, but I took them anyway.

All of a sudden the chairs and tables started sliding around on the deck. It was the same sensation as last night. Everything moved from side to side as the ship swayed. People slipped and fell. I looked at my sister and her husband as their faces morphed into nothing. Then my chair tipped over, I felt a jolt and my eyes shot open. I was in my bed and everything was calm. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and took a deep breath before I looked at the clock – it was almost seven o’clock. Could this cruise be any stranger? I thought.

Later when I was on my way to meet my sister and her husband for dinner, I tried not to look around too much in case I saw his face again. I kept my eyes on the ground all the way to the restaurant. I found them sitting at a table near the window and took my seat. I finally decided I would tell them about my bizarre experience. Just then the waiter came and took my order, and as he moved out of the way, I looked up and there – sitting alone at a table, staring at me – was Jack.

The End

Utter Emptiness, Complete Chaos

I didn't know what day it was...because every day seemed so endlessly dull. My mind was a swirling pool of confusion and sorrow. As i lay under my duvet, nothing mattered to me - nothing except my 2 year old daughter, Rosie.

There was a knock on the door. I didn't even bother to answer anymore.

“Roy, I made you something to eat.” my mother put the tray on the dresser, "Toast with peanut butter and syrup."

“Thanks.” I mumbled from under the covers.

“Are you planning to spend time with Rosie today?” she asked as she ripped the curtains open to let the blinding daylight in.

I sighed. I guess I wanted to, but my mind and my body couldn’t.

She groaned and left the room; closing the door behind her.

I peeked out from under the blanket into the brightness of the afternoon sun.

It was her fiery red hair glimmering in the morning light that caught my eye. She was reading a book while sipping her coffee. I was about to leave with my skinny latte and bran muffin to-go, but something about the sight of her left me lingering.

Then, completely out of my comfort zone, I walked over to her. I had no control over my actions, my heart just took over, “Excuse me.” I said boldly.

 She looked up, her eyes focused on a place far away as I drew her attention to reality.

“Are you actually reading that?” I asked, heart pounding.

“Uh yes...i am.” she smiled amused, "Why do you ask?"
I frowned, "I don't know really...I guess I don't see a lot of people reading anymore...these days." 

She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I know a lot of people say that, but I’ve never said it before. Porcelain white skin, rosy cheeks, sky blue eyes...“It’s profound." I tried hard not to stare at her full luscious red lips moving gracefully as she spoke.

“I can’t imagine a life without books…or trees…” she started, “...but then again you can plant trees to make books. So I guess you don’t have to imagine life without either…” she suddenly chuckled, “I’m sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just a bit...it's early. Would you like to sit?” she gestured to the seat opposite her and closed her book.

I gently sat down, “Where the Wild Things Are…is it a good book?”

“You haven't read it?” she stared at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes.

I shook my head, "I've only seen the movie.” I took a bite from my bran muffin so I won't seem as nervous as I really felt.

"Almost no one I know have read this book...and it's absolutely worth it.” she clutched her cup of coffee between her hands and smiled.

“I probably agree because the movie was so unique and maybe people just don’t know about it - I mean I didn't know about the book until I saw it in an episode of Southland.” I shrugged – it was a possibility. 
She chuckled, "Very possible."
"You know it wasn't my intention, initially, to join you." I smiled warily, "I was just impressed that you're reading in a coffee shop. Something nobody does anymore." I took a sip of my coffee.

"I know it's not a common sight these days." she pursed her lips.

I realised then, that I might’ve started something that I didn’t necessarily want. At the same time, maybe it was meant to be? Either way, I couldn’t stop myself from talking to her.

“So what music do you listen to?” I asked as she took another sip from her lipstick-stained mug. This was vital information for me. I would never be able to understand someone who listens to One Direction or Britney Spears.

Luckily her taste in music turned out to almost mirror mine. If there was one reason to pursue this relationship, it was that.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” This was a question I never asked women and when I walked into the coffee shop that morning I was certainly not planning to utter such idiocy. I seldom felt the need to meet people – never mind dating someone.

“We could, if you want?” she blushed, "I mean, sure, when?"

"Is tonight too soon?" I wanted to do it as soon as possible so I would be sure I'm not wasting my time.

She was the first person that I let into my personal space; into my life. People in general never made sense to me. They just brought along issues that I didn't want. The fewer people I knew, the better.

“I have to warn you.” I said on our date that night, “I am a musician. So if this turns out to be something, then I don't want you to be the last to know.” 

She sniggered, “That would’ve made sense if you’d confessed to being a serial killer.”

“Oh yes that’s true, what I meant to say is I’m a signed musician.” I tried to clarify without bragging that I’m actually famous. 

“You mean you’ve released albums?” she raised her eyebrows.

I gave a reserved nod, “One so far, I’m going on a national tour soon.”

“Well you should know that it doesn't matter." she said. I was glad she didn’t care if I was famous. If she had started gushing, I would've walked out of there, for sure. I remembered how I felt around her – enlightened and loved. I could’ve been content if she was the only person in my life, ever.

As I lay under the covers of my despair, I remembered what it felt like to open my heart to someone – how it felt to live. I wanted to forget that night when my phone rang with the news: my wife had been in a car accident. I rushed to the hospital four o’clock that morning. She was in ciritcal condition, which meant one thing to me: death.

She was covered in blood – so much blood. I held her hand as she closed her eyes for the last time and I was sure that's what hell must feel like. Pain ripped my heart to pieces as the life I loved, vanished.

I felt an overwhelming need for isolation when I got home that morning. I wanted to be alone and away from everyone. All my life I've kept people at a distance for a reason. I didn't want drama and I didn't want heartache. What happened with Nadine was the epitome of that.

I knew my daughter needed me – I was her only parent – but how could I be what she needed me to be? I was an empty vessel with nothing to give.

The first time I held her was surreal. Everything was so tiny - her fingers, hands, feet, nose. At that moment I realised she would forever be a part of me and the only other person in my life who had residence in my heart. And there I was rejecting her – a beautiful, innocent child – my own creation. 

For the first time in two weeks, I took a shower and got dressed in fresh clothes. Then when I saw her, my own flesh and blood, I slowly gained a sense of purpose.

"Daddy!" She jumped into my arms.

"Hey sweetheart." I kissed her soft, shiny blonde hair.

"Play?" she held her little pony up to show me.

"Sure." suddenly I felt guilty for missing two weeks of her life and every second felt precious.

"Let's show mommy." she uttered in the middle of grooming her purple pony.

For some reason I wasn't prepared for that. I knew my wife was gone, but her saying those words was unexpected.

I stared at her, stunned.

Finally my mother intervened, "Mommy's in heaven Rosie, remember what Nona told you?"

Rosie stared at her pony in silence, "Yes." she mumbled as tears gathered in her eyes.

"Maybe meeting Nadine and having a child wasn't the right choice." I told my mother later that night, "If I never did, if I just stuck to my rule, Nadine wouldn't have died and Rosie wouldn't have to live without a mother." I've never been so honest about my real feelings.

The concern on my mother's face was disconcerting, “You don’t mean that. Then Rosie wouldn’t be here.” she said in a soft voice.

“Mom, I do. You never wanted to listen to me when I told you these things. Now you can see I was serious.” I was slowly starting to lose control.

Being a parent to Rosie made no sense to me.

What my mother did, I realised later, was the right thing for me. I needed therapy because I was different. Other people might’ve been able to deal with the trauma of losing a wife and being a single parent. I wasn’t one of them. I had to go through hours of counseling to realise that Rosie could in some ways fulfill the void that Nadine had left.

Some time later, I was sorting through Nadine’s belongings – clothes and stuff – as part of the healing process.

I stumbled upon a diary she kept which I never knew about. I read through it all; I wept through it all. There was one specifically interesting entry, about a week before her accident:

18 May 2012

Right at this moment, I am afraid. When I married Leroy, I knew what I got myself into, but lately I’m overwhelmed with guilt and fear. I did something I’m not particularly proud of. I can’t ever tell Leroy, but I have to tell someone, even if it’s just this piece of paper…I’ve met someone else. His name is Dave. We met at a friend’s birthday dinner one night when Leroy had a gig.

The better I got to know Leroy, the more I realised how emotionally unavailable he really is, but I can’t blame him for my affair. It’s entirely my decision and Dave is there for me in every way I need. I bet I could talk to Leroy about my issue, but I don’t want to hurt him – he can’t help who he is. I don’t want to push him over the edge. And I can’t bear to ask for a divorce – that would be unfair towards Rosie.

I would never have thought I’d be that woman – the one having an affair - but I just feel so lonely…and so drained. I wonder if I died today, if he would be able to take care of Rosie. I don’t doubt him as a parent, but I know how much he depends on me.

Sometimes he locks himself in his music room for hours without making a sound. When I ask him about it, he would say that he’s writing, but I know he relishes the quiet. Because that’s what he enjoys most – silence. I know him so well and I would love him no matter what. This is just something that I don’t know how to solve.

I’m scared that one day he decides that it’s all too much and walks out. Or that he wants to be alone – forever. Or even worse, that he turns out to be some or other serial killer or mass murderer. I know these thoughts are silly, but they are honest. If only I could talk to him…

Maybe the problem will go away if I ignore it? But he can never find out.

I sat on the bed with the journal in my hands trying to grasp what I just read. It all seemed so fickle since she was gone. Then it dawned on me – my whole marriage was…a lie? I tried to think back – were there signs of unhappiness? I can’t recall. She was always such a ray of sunshine; always smiling. Was it all just pretend?

I chucked the book aside and slumped to the floor, my head in my hands. For hours, it seemed, I just sat staring into space – my mind and my heart empty.

Finally I got up off the floor, took a deep breath and ferociously continued packing.

I needed to come to terms with the facts of the situation. What if, in fact, her crash was suicide? I couldn’t disregard the possibility after everything I read and at that point, anything was probable. How could she do this to Rosie? It wasn’t just about the two of us, a child was involved. Was she so afraid of me that she couldn’t – for the sake of our daughter – talk to me? No. I didn’t believe that. She was just selfish in every way. 

I clenched my teeth and irritably rubbed my eyes. The person I loved believed that I might be incompetent as a parent because of my personality issues. Well I would prove her wrong and be the best father to Rosie. She’s going to look down – or probably up – at me and see how mistaken she was.

After I discovered she stopped loving me somewhere along the way, the months of mourning her death felt like a waste of emotion and time. 

I pulled myself together and marched to Rosie’s room. She was sleeping. A beautiful, innocent girl who didn’t deserve the mess her mother had made. Maybe she’s better off without Nadine anyway.

So I made a promise to her that night: I will love and take care of her until the day I die; and I made a pledge that I would learn to at least endure people. 

The End

Farewell Sweet My Mother

Caitlin never thought that she would live long enough to see her mother lying on her deathbed. Well she had hoped that she wouldn’t. She sighed as she held her mother’s cold hand tightly between her own, silent tears streaming down her face.

“Don’t go crying again.” Her mother wiped the tears from her cheeks, “You know I don’t like it when you cry.”

Caitlin smiled, “I can’t help it, and you know that.”

“Why don’t you talk to me…tell me what you’re thinking.”

Caitlin considered. She had so much that she wanted to say to her mother before she left them. Even before they found out about the cancer she had lots to say, but she never did. She left it and now it was too late. “I don’t really know what to say mom.” She shrugged, fighting back tears of regret.

“Oh you do know.” Her mother said, “Just say it Kate.”

Caitlin sighed, she knew what she wanted to say wouldn’t matter right now, “I don’t want you to leave us.” She bowed her head to hide the waterworks. Stupid emotions that can’t be contained, she thought.

Her mother chuckled dryly. “I wish I could stop this disease from taking over, but I can’t. You will have to accept that Katie, because when I’m gone I don’t want you to mope around and waste your life. You’re still young and you have your whole life ahead of you to live, to get married and have many children.”

“I don’t want my children to go through this.” Caitlin mumbled.

Martha shut her eyes and held her breath as a sharp pain shot through her gut – the morphine was wearing off – but she knew what she needed to do.

Caitlin was frightened, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Martha said, “It’s just a little pain.”

“Should I get the nurse for some painkillers?”

“Not now.” Martha squeezed her hand, “I first want to talk to you.”

Caitlin quietly waited as the pain drifted from her mother’s features.

“It is inevitable for most children to see their parents off to the other side.” Martha said. “It’s part of life. Why? I don’t know. I wish it was different – that we never have to see any of our loved ones go – but it’s not. You have to make the best of it.”

Caitlin nodded, “I know. I just feel like I haven’t spent enough time with you. I’ve been so busy with Matthew and my friends, that I’ve been neglecting you. Then one day I get a call that you have cancer and only a few weeks to live…” Her lip trembled, “That’s not fair.” She put her head down on the bed.

Her mother stroked her hair and lulled her, “I know, I know.” She said calmly.

Caitlin wiped the tears, “Are you sure I shouldn’t call the nurse?” she asked again.

“Not just yet.” Martha winced.

Caitlin got up, but her mother held her back, “Mom, you’re in pain.”

“Sit down. I want you to listen to me.” Martha said hastily.

Caitlin obeyed.

“Your father…” Martha began, “Is cheating on me.”

Caitlin frowned, confused.

“I’ve known for a few months now.”

“So he did this to you?” Caitlin asked horrified.

“No, no, he didn’t do this to me; cancer is what it is.”

“But his cheating might’ve triggered it mom...stress.” she said, “You know that could be true.”

“But it’s not.” Martha said simply. “Now listen to me, I’m trying to tell you something. When I found out he was cheating, I didn’t tell anyone. I kept on with my life as usual and acted normal. I was waiting for the right time to confront him – to catch him. It never came. Instead I found out about the cancer.”

“I’m sorry things turned out this way.” Caitlin stroked her mother’s hair.

“Well I just wanted you to know.”

“What about him?” Caitlin asked, “Don’t you want him to know?”

 “I can’t deal with that right now.” her mother said, “I can’t deal with him apologising, or crying, or whatever it is he’ll do.” She rolled her eyes.

Caitlin understood what her mother wanted. “Have you at least forgiven him?”

Martha hesitated before she answered, “I have since the cancer, yes. Before this I was still very unforgiving. This was my fight, Kate, and I didn’t want your father’s unwise doings to interfere with my battle. After what he did, he doesn’t deserve the attention.”

“He’s going to be sorry about what he’s done.”

“Now don’t you become unforgiving towards him, he is your father.” Martha said. “In time he’ll realise what he’s done.” She winced again.

Caitlin got an even bigger fright this time. The machine, to which her mother was connected, started beeping frantically. “What’s going on?” Caitlin started freaking out.

Her mother looked at her, “I love you Katie, you are the best daughter and I know you will have a full, happy life.”

“Why are you saying that? Don’t say goodbye…please? Not yet.” Caitlin started sobbing, “Why so suddenly?”

Martha was quiet as the nurse came into the room. She knew this was it and she was content. She held Caitlin’s hand as tightly as she could.

The nurse didn’t do anything to help her.

“Why aren’t you helping her?” Caitlin stared at the nurse with tears in her eyes, “Can’t you help her?”

“This is what your mother wants sweetie.” The nurse wrote something in the patient file.

Caitlin looked at her mother, “Mom?”

She responded slowly, looking peacefully at Caitlin.

Caitlin realised this was it. She had to say goodbye – it was now or never. She leaned closer so her mother could hear, “I can’t believe this is happening. I’ll never forget what you taught me and I’m going to miss you so much. I won’t forget what you told me here today…I love you.” Caitlin hugged her mother tightly. When she came up, her mother was gone. More tears ensued. She buried her head in her hands before she completely let go.

           

When Caitlin got to her car, she felt lost. The first thing she did was phone her father to tell him.

“Mom just passed away.” She said as a matter of fact.

There was silence on the other end.

“I wish I’d been there” he finally said.

No you don’t, she thought, “It happened kind of sudden. She got them to reduce the morphine dosage.”

Silence followed.

“Okay, I just wanted you to know, and I’m on my way home.” She hung up.

Caitlin was upset that he didn’t even try and comfort her. He’s probably glad mom’s gone, she thought, now he’ll suffer for what he did.

She started the car and drove home.

With anger still flaring inside her, she hurried into the house, ready to lash out. But when she came across her father with his head buried in his hands, sympathy overwhelmed her. She walked over and embraced him. She probably needed it more than he did, but she knew it would help him too.

The evening before the funeral, her father came up to her. She was busy cooking supper. “Kate, we need to talk about something before the funeral tomorrow.”

Caitlin immediately knew what it was about. She had hoped he would come to her about it, instead of her going to him. She turned her attention to him. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath, “I’ve been unfaithful to your mother for the past year.”

She pursed her lips, trying hard to keep her composure.

“I wasn’t able to tell your mother before she went; I wanted her to go in peace.”

“Why did you do it?” Caitlin wanted to know.

He sighed, “It’s complicated. We just drifted apart I guess.”

She nodded. She wasn’t going to tell him that her mother knew.

“I should’ve told her.” he continued, “So that there was nothing left unsaid.”

“Dad, it’s too late. You’ll have to make peace with it before it eats at you. I’m pretty sure she would’ve forgiven you.” Caitlin stirred the pot on the stove.

Her father nodded, “You’re right, your mother had a kind heart.”

She felt really sorry for her dad, but she was completely confident in her decision not to tell him – it might just hurt more if he knew.

A few months later when the loss seemed a bit more subdued, they had a meeting with the family broker about her mother’s will.

He cleared his throat, “Right Mr. Colt, Miss Colt, Martha Colt’s will reads that all belongings and assets of Mrs. Colt go to her daughter, Caitlin Colt.” A bald man with glasses sliding down his nose peeked at her.

Her father looked at her confused. “Why would she change her will after all these years?” He frowned in wonder and confusion before it dawned on him, “Unless she knew…” He stared at Caitlin, “She knew about my affair, didn’t she?”

Caitlin stared at him, acting surprised, “I don’t know dad?” She shrugged, “Maybe she did and this is her way of letting you know.” She hated lying about it.

He sighed, “I had it coming. I knew there was no way the universe would let me get away with what I did.”

Caitlin couldn’t help but feel extremely thankful to her mother. Even from beyond the grave, her mother knew how to patch things up. Though she felt guilty for not telling her father, she knew that some things are sometimes better left unsaid – he must deal with his regret.

The End

A Journey Home

The hot, dry sand burned beneath the soles of his shoes as he shuffled along the gravel road. He stared into the distance, lifting his hand to shield the gleaming sun beating down on him. It had been five days since he left that hellhole and if the little birdie was right, he would reach his destination within the next day. The days were brutally hot and the nights were cold - he wasn’t prepared for that. Not that he was prepared for anything about this journey.

About a month ago he found out his wife was having an affair. He didn’t leave her as she had expected he would. He forgave her instead. Her lover wasn’t happy about it, so one day he invited David for a walk. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a carriage came speeding past, grabbing him. He tried to fight and struggle, but they tied him up and drove off into the desert.  They must’ve been hours out of town when they stopped. They grabbed him and threw him into a hole about five metres underground.

He looked around and saw some crackers and water stacked around him. He yelled for someone to save him, but soon darkness fell. He realised what had happened and fell into a heap of despair.

The first few days were torture, he searched for a way out every minute, but it was impossible to get out except through the opening – which was five metres from the ground. He had to preserve the food and water for as long as possible, but he was unsure of how long it would last. It looked like it would only last a few weeks at most. All he did every day was wake up, take a sip of water, have a piece of cracker, look for a way out, have a piece of cracker, drink a sip of water, sleep – every day, for weeks.

Then one night he thought he had dosed off, but suddenly everything looked foggy and something right beneath the opening sparkled in the moonlight. He blinked a few times and then got up to see. He started digging with his nails into the hard ground and finally retrieved, what was to him, a treasure – a spoon, a fork and a knife. It baffled him. Why would someone bury utensils? Then suddenly a smile stretched across his face as he realised what this meant.

With no time to waste, he started digging into the left wall of the room. He could either dig straight and then up or attempt a staircase of some sort. He decided he would try stairs.  He knew it could take him more than a week to get out, but he was determined to make it, especially now that he had tools to dig. The thought of getting out of the pit fuelled his emotions, his anger, towards his wife and her lover. He just wanted to get out of there, find them and teach them a lesson! He dug even faster.

Soon he was tired and had to rest. It took a lot of energy, energy he didn’t have. After he had slept a few hours, he got up and carried on. The sooner he could get out, the faster he would be able to make them pay. Revenge burned inside his heart and his mind.

As he had expected, it took him a little more than a week to reach the light. The relief he felt was indescribable. It was almost painful and his eyes brimmed with tears. He blinked wildly at the bright sun and gasped at the fresh air. The moment was unreal – he couldn’t believe he was finally free!

A second after he emerged from his hole, a little bird landed next to him. It hopped a little closer. David thought maybe the bird wanted some crumbs or water, when it suddenly spoke: “Now ain’t that a fine day! Just look at that – bright blue skies, hot yellow sun, and fresh air! But you…you look like a mess! You know that?”

David frowned and rubbed his eyes – was he dreaming? His heart dropped as he realised this could all just be a dream. He opened his mouth to scream.

“Yes I’m real and I’m talking.” The bird ruffled his feathers, “Now listen up! You need to travel east.” The bird flicked his head to his right, “…the nearest town is five days away.”

“How are you talking to me?” David asked, “Why should I listen to you?”

“Because you need guidance…and I’m a guide.” The bird cleared his throat and gave a chirp. “Anyhow, I’m off! Good luck.” He swooped off in a rush.

David sat there for a few second trying to make sense of this absurd occurrence, then he got up and started walking east - well what the bird indicated was east at least.

Since he left that place, he dared not look back. He felt a presence behind him…someone or something following him. He figured it hid behind lone standing boulders and bare trees to keep from being seen. But he felt it crawling after him – thirsty, hungry and tired – just like he was.

One day away from his destination, he stumbled upon a man and his horse grazing in the shadow of a hill. The man was leaning with his back against a rock and the horse was chewing some dry grass. The man looked up at David as he passed and raised his hand, “Hold up there, sir,” he said.

David stopped and looked around, unsure.

“Why are you in the middle of the desert?” the man stood up and slowly walked over to him chewing a piece of dry grass.

David licked his lips, “I…I…uh…” he wasn’t sure what to say.
“You not sure why you here, mister?” the man asked.

“No I know why I’m here…I just don’t know if I should tell you. Who are you?” David flicked his chin at the man.

“I’m Juan Ricardo. I travel this desert frequently; I know who comes and who goes. Now…who are you and why are you here?” the man asked again.

“I’m David and I was kidnapped and shoved in a hole for months. I escaped about four days ago, west from here.” He swallowed.

Juan glared at David suspiciously, and said, “Well I heard something like that sometime ago…” he hesitated, “Someone’s been following you.”

David frowned, “How do you know?”

“I can sense it.” The man searched the desert, “Why were you taken away?”

David dropped his head, “My wife had an affair with a man in our village. I forgave her, because I loved her, but her lover had me kidnapped and thrown into the pit. They’ll pay for what they did to me, as soon as I reach that town!”

Juan slowly shook his head, “Tsk, tsk, tsk…you can’t continue this journey any further.”

“What do you mean?” David frowned.

“Your soul is stained with resentment. Vengeance oozes from your soul like puss from an infected wound. If you want to continue this journey, you need to put your spirit to rest.”

“But…how?” David shrugged.

“Forgive of course! You need to let go of your anger. That thing that’s been following you is your spirit. It’s weary and needs to be refreshed. You’re the reason it’s that way. It cannot find peace if your soul is tainted with hate.”

David fell to his knees, “I don’t know how!” he cried, “My life is ruined because of them.”

“No, just the opposite. You have a second chance – a blank page. Just let them go,” Juan said, “Say it out loud, it’ll make you feel better.”

David sobbed and took a deep breath, “Out loud?” he frowned.

Juan put his hand on David’s shoulder, “Listen, it’s just you, me and my horse here. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just get it off your chest.” He stepped back.

 David put his hand on his heart and lifted his head to the sky, “Martha, I forgive you and that man for the heartache you have caused me.” He slowly exhaled and stood up.

“How does it feel?” Juan asked.

David managed a smile, “Much better.”

“David, I’m glad you made it here.” Juan smiled proudly.

David wiped the sweat off his forehead, “Where is here anyway?”

“Come.” Juan said, “I’ll take you to the place you’re searching for in this dry desert.” He got on his horse, “You and that spirit of yours.” He grabbed David and lifted him onto the horse.

A smile spread across David’s face, “Thank you.”

So he reached his destination a little faster. It was a strange town, David thought, with a massive iron gate. “How am I supposed to get in?” David sighed.

“You’ll have to go towards it, knock and when they ask, give them your name.” Juan said.

David frowned, “That’s strange.” But he got off the horse anyway and made his way to the gigantic gate and knocked three times. The peephole suddenly opened and a man asked for his name.

“David Nazir.” 

The man disappeared for a few seconds and then said, “You may enter.”

Suddenly the gate opened and a loud groan thundered throughout the quiet forsaken desert.

Only a small gap opened so he could enter. Before he went inside, he turned to greet and thank Juan Ricardo, but to his surprise, the man wasn’t there. So he shrugged and turned back. He felt relieved – the anger inside him ebbed.

It was a strange town, like nothing he had expected. There was one long pathway that led to a house on top of a hill. There were no other people around, except the guards at the gate. It was a magnificent place – the garden was paradise.

When he reached the house at the top of the hill everything seemed abandoned, but he knocked anyway. An old man answered the door and let him inside. As his foot touched the wooden floor, the whole place changed into a white and gold city. There were people everywhere, laughing and talking. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He went up to one of them, “Excuse me, where am I?”

The man chuckled, “You’re in heaven of course.”

The End