Caitlin never thought that she would live long enough to see her mother lying on her deathbed. Well she had hoped that she wouldn’t. She sighed as she held her mother’s cold hand tightly between her own, silent tears streaming down her face.
“Don’t go crying again.” Her mother wiped the tears from her cheeks, “You know I don’t like it when you cry.”
Caitlin smiled, “I can’t help it, and you know that.”
“Why don’t you talk to me…tell me what you’re thinking.”
Caitlin considered. She had so much that she wanted to say to her mother before she left them. Even before they found out about the cancer she had lots to say, but she never did. She left it and now it was too late. “I don’t really know what to say mom.” She shrugged, fighting back tears of regret.
“Oh you do know.” Her mother said, “Just say it Kate.”
Caitlin sighed, she knew what she wanted to say wouldn’t matter right now, “I don’t want you to leave us.” She bowed her head to hide the waterworks. Stupid emotions that can’t be contained, she thought.
Her mother chuckled dryly. “I wish I could stop this disease from taking over, but I can’t. You will have to accept that Katie, because when I’m gone I don’t want you to mope around and waste your life. You’re still young and you have your whole life ahead of you to live, to get married and have many children.”
“I don’t want my children to go through this.” Caitlin mumbled.
Martha shut her eyes and held her breath as a sharp pain shot through her gut – the morphine was wearing off – but she knew what she needed to do.
Caitlin was frightened, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Martha said, “It’s just a little pain.”
“Should I get the nurse for some painkillers?”
“Not now.” Martha squeezed her hand, “I first want to talk to you.”
Caitlin quietly waited as the pain drifted from her mother’s features.
“It is inevitable for most children to see their parents off to the other side.” Martha said. “It’s part of life. Why? I don’t know. I wish it was different – that we never have to see any of our loved ones go – but it’s not. You have to make the best of it.”
Caitlin nodded, “I know. I just feel like I haven’t spent enough time with you. I’ve been so busy with Matthew and my friends, that I’ve been neglecting you. Then one day I get a call that you have cancer and only a few weeks to live…” Her lip trembled, “That’s not fair.” She put her head down on the bed.
Her mother stroked her hair and lulled her, “I know, I know.” She said calmly.
Caitlin wiped the tears, “Are you sure I shouldn’t call the nurse?” she asked again.
“Not just yet.” Martha winced.
Caitlin got up, but her mother held her back, “Mom, you’re in pain.”
“Sit down. I want you to listen to me.” Martha said hastily.
Caitlin obeyed.
“Your father…” Martha began, “Is cheating on me.”
Caitlin frowned, confused.
“I’ve known for a few months now.”
“So he did this to you?” Caitlin asked horrified.
“No, no, he didn’t do this to me; cancer is what it is.”
“But his cheating might’ve triggered it mom...stress.” she said, “You know that could be true.”
“But it’s not.” Martha said simply. “Now listen to me, I’m trying to tell you something. When I found out he was cheating, I didn’t tell anyone. I kept on with my life as usual and acted normal. I was waiting for the right time to confront him – to catch him. It never came. Instead I found out about the cancer.”
“I’m sorry things turned out this way.” Caitlin stroked her mother’s hair.
“Well I just wanted you to know.”
“What about him?” Caitlin asked, “Don’t you want him to know?”
“I can’t deal with that right now.” her mother said, “I can’t deal with him apologising, or crying, or whatever it is he’ll do.” She rolled her eyes.
Caitlin understood what her mother wanted. “Have you at least forgiven him?”
Martha hesitated before she answered, “I have since the cancer, yes. Before this I was still very unforgiving. This was my fight, Kate, and I didn’t want your father’s unwise doings to interfere with my battle. After what he did, he doesn’t deserve the attention.”
“He’s going to be sorry about what he’s done.”
“Now don’t you become unforgiving towards him, he is your father.” Martha said. “In time he’ll realise what he’s done.” She winced again.
Caitlin got an even bigger fright this time. The machine, to which her mother was connected, started beeping frantically. “What’s going on?” Caitlin started freaking out.
Her mother looked at her, “I love you Katie, you are the best daughter and I know you will have a full, happy life.”
“Why are you saying that? Don’t say goodbye…please? Not yet.” Caitlin started sobbing, “Why so suddenly?”
Martha was quiet as the nurse came into the room. She knew this was it and she was content. She held Caitlin’s hand as tightly as she could.
The nurse didn’t do anything to help her.
“Why aren’t you helping her?” Caitlin stared at the nurse with tears in her eyes, “Can’t you help her?”
“This is what your mother wants sweetie.” The nurse wrote something in the patient file.
Caitlin looked at her mother, “Mom?”
She responded slowly, looking peacefully at Caitlin.
Caitlin realised this was it. She had to say goodbye – it was now or never. She leaned closer so her mother could hear, “I can’t believe this is happening. I’ll never forget what you taught me and I’m going to miss you so much. I won’t forget what you told me here today…I love you.” Caitlin hugged her mother tightly. When she came up, her mother was gone. More tears ensued. She buried her head in her hands before she completely let go.
When Caitlin got to her car, she felt lost. The first thing she did was phone her father to tell him.
“Mom just passed away.” She said as a matter of fact.
There was silence on the other end.
“I wish I’d been there” he finally said.
No you don’t, she thought, “It happened kind of sudden. She got them to reduce the morphine dosage.”
Silence followed.
“Okay, I just wanted you to know, and I’m on my way home.” She hung up.
Caitlin was upset that he didn’t even try and comfort her. He’s probably glad mom’s gone, she thought, now he’ll suffer for what he did.
She started the car and drove home.
With anger still flaring inside her, she hurried into the house, ready to lash out. But when she came across her father with his head buried in his hands, sympathy overwhelmed her. She walked over and embraced him. She probably needed it more than he did, but she knew it would help him too.
The evening before the funeral, her father came up to her. She was busy cooking supper. “Kate, we need to talk about something before the funeral tomorrow.”
Caitlin immediately knew what it was about. She had hoped he would come to her about it, instead of her going to him. She turned her attention to him. “What is it?”
He took a deep breath, “I’ve been unfaithful to your mother for the past year.”
She pursed her lips, trying hard to keep her composure.
“I wasn’t able to tell your mother before she went; I wanted her to go in peace.”
“Why did you do it?” Caitlin wanted to know.
He sighed, “It’s complicated. We just drifted apart I guess.”
She nodded. She wasn’t going to tell him that her mother knew.
“I should’ve told her.” he continued, “So that there was nothing left unsaid.”
“Dad, it’s too late. You’ll have to make peace with it before it eats at you. I’m pretty sure she would’ve forgiven you.” Caitlin stirred the pot on the stove.
Her father nodded, “You’re right, your mother had a kind heart.”
She felt really sorry for her dad, but she was completely confident in her decision not to tell him – it might just hurt more if he knew.
A few months later when the loss seemed a bit more subdued, they had a meeting with the family broker about her mother’s will.
He cleared his throat, “Right Mr. Colt, Miss Colt, Martha Colt’s will reads that all belongings and assets of Mrs. Colt go to her daughter, Caitlin Colt.” A bald man with glasses sliding down his nose peeked at her.
Her father looked at her confused. “Why would she change her will after all these years?” He frowned in wonder and confusion before it dawned on him, “Unless she knew…” He stared at Caitlin, “She knew about my affair, didn’t she?”
Caitlin stared at him, acting surprised, “I don’t know dad?” She shrugged, “Maybe she did and this is her way of letting you know.” She hated lying about it.
He sighed, “I had it coming. I knew there was no way the universe would let me get away with what I did.”
Caitlin couldn’t help but feel extremely thankful to her mother. Even from beyond the grave, her mother knew how to patch things up. Though she felt guilty for not telling her father, she knew that some things are sometimes better left unsaid – he must deal with his regret.
The End
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